There is something extremely alluring to the thought of being isolated. Being a hermit, a mystical all-knower, completely and totally cut off from everything and everyone. The image that flutters past my psyche as I day dream at work about being completely content with where my mind is currently is as follows:
- I’m bearded. More than I am now. And my beard is scragglier beyond belief. Like the: it is pouring rain and I’m a fisherman on a fisherman’s boat holding the rigging and the boat’s helm at the same time or else I crash the boat, and I need to constantly squint my left eye as salt water sprays my face, kind of beard.
- I’m dirty because I’m a shit boat captain and I live in the busted hull of said boat on the shore of nice wooded inlet.
- My pants are shredded, I don’t wear shoes, and my shirt has be stretched out because of the weather. My hands are worn, manly and rugged, dirt sits in every fingernail.
- In this particular inlet humidity doesn’t exist so my hair is very Darryl Dixon esque. Grimey, yet lays properly, no volume whatsoever.
Nothing would be better than to have a switch that could send me there where everything disappears at the click, and it is just me and Darryl Dixon hair.
It’s not that I’m dissatisfied about being around company. It’s just that I’d much rather choose the company I’m around. Actively control the scenarios in which I’m subjugated to. I can only find solace in a small sliver of tolerance in which I am comfortable, and that one small sliver is generally at the brim of “oh fuck this, fuck them, and fuck my life” on a constant basis.
That’s why I want to move to New York City.
Within the mass of people that flood the streets in the city that never sleeps there is a wildly strange sensation that you do not exist. It is a warped way of thinking, clearly, but in hermit-ism, the isolation ideal is ever present regardless if you are the only person left on Earth or if everyone on Earth thinks you are not there. Forget about the worth and value of each individual for a moment, let the self-loathing and self deprecation built around the societal constructs that we all have a purpose flutter away for a moment. Think about how soothing it could be to just turn everyone off, turn responsibility off, turn future goals off.
But hey, bro, live in the moment and you won’t have to think about that.
Dude, all I do is think. Turn it off.